I'm Alright
by flying-cars
Summary: James tries a different tactic in order to get Lily's attention: ignoring her. She doesn't react well, and the two begin a journey of friendship they struggle to hold together.


Lily Evans was sitting under a tree on a fine, breezy afternoon. Her Charms textbook was sitting in her lap although Lily was not truly reading it. She was enjoying the sunshine and the breeze in her flaming red hair.

"Alright, Evans?"

James Potter's head appeared above hers. He was upside down, swinging from a branch. His glasses were sliding off his head. Lily caught them out of reflex.

"Alright, Potter?"

A wide grin graced his features and he flipped down. He seemed cheerful that Lily hadn't snapped at him as usual. She did that a lot.

"Yeah I'm alright." The wind was blowing his hair back. Lily was relieved his hand wasn't going through his hair, giving it the fake wind-blown look James prefers. She hated that. "Can I have my glasses back?"

Lily handed them over with a blush. She had momentarily forgotten she had them. With a quick grab, James had his glasses back on his face. He looked a bit flustered. "There," he said grandly. "Now I can see you in all your glory."

With a shake of her head, Lily closed her eyes. She didn't like it when James reverted to flirting for lack of conversation, which he did quite often in her presence. It disappointed her, for Lily was perfectly aware that James was intellectual and charismatic enough to hold a decent conversation. Despite this, he reverted to the typical teenage boy Lily hated whenever he saw her.

James was silent while she thought – a great feat, in Lily's opinion.

"What have you got there?" he asked suddenly. Lily's eyes flew open when James' hands touched hers. She pulled her hands away.  
"Nothing," she lied quickly. Unfortunately for Lily, James was quicker than her (part of being a Chaser, she supposed) and he snatched a piece of muggle paper from Lily's small hand.

James had the hint of a smirk on his face and Lily's temper flared. "James Potter you give me that back right this instant!" she shrieked. Laughing, James jumped up and held the paper out of her reach. Lily's hands went to her hips as she glared. "James," she huffed.

"What is it?" he teased. "A love letter?" James' hazel eyes turned hard at his own joke. Swiftly, his eyes darted down to the bottom of the paper before he threw it back to Lily. "Sorry," he muttered. His hand went through his hair. "I didn't mean to invade your privacy."  
Lily was ignoring him. A love letter, who was he kidding. She was very carefully folding up the paper. "Next time, Potter," Lily growled, "Mind your own damn business."

Without making eye contact, Lily gathered her stuff and walked away from James.

"Tell your mum I send my love," James called out after her. Lily shook her head violently.

* * *

James was frustrated. Even when things seem to be going well with Lily, he does something wrong. "Cheer up, mate," Sirius was saying to him. "Only two years of Hogwarts left, she's bound to give in eventually."  
"I don't want her to give in, Sirius," James explained angrily. "I want her to _actually_ like me. I would be perfectly happy with her friendship. How can she be so bloody difficult? Am I really that repulsive?"

"Perhaps you should focus on how Lily is feeling, rather than trying to force your feelings upon her," Remus suggested from behind a thick textbook. James would very much like to push it into his nose.  
"Do you seriously think I haven't tried that, Moony?" James snarled. "It's Lily. There's something wrong with her brain."  
"I really don't think so, mate."

"Maybe you should leave her alone for a while," Sirius suggested carefully. "Just a couple of weeks. See how she goes without you antagonizing her every minute."  
"That's a good idea," Remus agreed, his quill tapping his chin. "She may become more relaxed around you and may come to see how you really are, rather than how she may see you."  
"And how does she see me?" James demanded.  
Sirius laughed. "As an idiot," he reminded James.  
"Oh, right."

* * *

As it was, Lily was quite suspicious of James' behaviour over the next few days. She was always on edge and looking over her shoulder in between classes, sure that James or someone would be following her. Why she thought that, she didn't know, but she knew that whenever the marauders were quiet something was up. And James had never left her alone for so long; perhaps she was the next victim of their next prank.

So Lily was anxious and James was impatient.

"Nothing!" he was saying in the middle of Transfiguration. "Nothing has changed. If anything, she's been avoiding me more!"  
"You've gotta give it time, mate," Sirius said calmly as he waved his wand. "This is new for her. She's probably going through withdrawal; she's been so used to you annoying her every day, it's been that long since you left her alone."  
James frowned. "You make me sound awful."  
"You have been awful to her," Remus whispered from James' right. With a glare from James, Remus returned to his work.

James was trying to turn a gerbil into a teacup unsuccessfully. Sirius had already completed his transfiguration at the beginning of the lesson.  
"Alright, Potter?"

James looked up to see Lily – lovely Lily with her flaming hair – standing before him suspiciously. She had a book clutched to her chest, her wand in her hand. James was smiling at her when Sirius elbowed him in the ribs.  
"Uh, what? I mean, yes, I'm alright, how about you Evans?" James' grin widened.  
"I'm alright."

Lily walked away, looking a tad concerned, to the back of the class where she sat, leaving the scent of vanilla in her wake. James hit Sirius on the arm, and he howled in pain. "Did you just see that?" James asked in shock. "Did that really just happen?"  
Sirius was rubbing his arm. "Yes," he mumbled. "Congratulations."  
"I can't believe it!" James gushed happily. "_Progress. _At last."

With a wave of his wand, the gerbil turned into a teacup.

* * *

"Something is up with them!" Lily whispered furiously to Mary MacDonald, her fellow Gryffindor and best friend. James and his entourage were meters away from them, lounging in front of the common room fire, and Mary was struggling to hold in her giggles.  
"Honestly, Lily!" Mary whispered. "What has gotten into you? So he's ignoring you, so what?"  
"When has he ignored me in the last six years, Mary?" Lily asked seriously. Mary shrugged.  
"Look, Lils. This may come as a shock to you, but maybe he's maturing a bit," Mary said slowly. Lily snorted. "Or maybe he's just not into you anymore," Mary added.

Lily was a little bit offended by that. What, was she not good enough for James bloody Potter anymore? Did he think he was too good for her now?

"Or, maybe you're right. Maybe they are planning a giant practical joke on you. Guess we'll just have to wait and see."  
"Mary! You're so unhelpful!"  
"Shut up and do your homework."

* * *

"Hey Evans!" James hurried to catch up with the girl of his dreams, who had picked up her pace. "It's Hogsmede this weekend," he informed Lily when he caught up, and matched his stride with hers.  
"I'm very much aware, thank you."  
"Do you want to go with me?"

Lily stopped walking and moved to the side of the corridor so people could move around them. "What?"  
James ran a hand through his hair nervously. "Do you want to go to Hogsmede with me?"  
"What, like a date?" James' heart leapt; he hadn't received an immediate no.  
"Well, I mean, I guess, if that's what you want. We can go as friends?"  
Lily was shaking her head. "Absolutely not! I refuse your offer." She was more shocked than angry at his proposal. After weeks of nothing, he suddenly deemed it time to resume his old activities? Hell no. Lily walked away quickly, but James followed her.

"Please?"  
"No!"  
"Why not?" he whined.  
"Because I refuse to be a part of whatever it is you're planning!"

James was confused at Lily's hurt tone. "I'm not planning anything?" he questioned. She scoffed.  
"Oh, please. Spare me your lies. You haven't been acting normal for weeks. Your sudden change in behaviour – from annoying toerag to seemingly forgetting my existence – didn't pass my notice, James Potter."  
"You notice things about me?" James interrupted gleefully. Lily could have screamed.  
"You're so infuriating! I refuse to be a victim of whatever you're planning."

James planted himself in front of Lily determinedly. She tried to move around him, but he stopped her. "Lily, I'm not planning anything. Honestly. But haven't I been on good behaviour lately?"  
"Good behaviour and having ulterior motives are not the same thing, Potter."  
"Please," James begged. "Just as friends. Not even a real date. You can even bring Mary," James offered. "I'll bring Sirius –" Lily looked sickened, "Alright, I'll bring Remus. Not a double date. Not even a date. Just friends hanging out, please?"

Lily looked away from James' hazel eyes. He was very determined to make Lily say yes and she could tell. She needed to escape, so she said the only thing she knew he would accept.

"I'll think about it."

* * *

Hogsmede weekend was here and Lily had been avoiding James. She had never given him an answer and she had never told Mary about his proposal. So she really shouldn't have been that surprised when, upon exiting the portrait bundled in scarves and gloves, she saw James and Remus waiting.  
"Fancy seeing you here," Mary said playfully, directing it a Remus. He gave a small smile.  
"Well, I've been recruited, much like you I suppose," he teased.

But of course, Mary didn't know about this, and Lily was in deep trouble.

"Lily?" Mary questioned. She shook her head and tried to keep walking, but Mary wasn't moving.  
"I thought we had an agreement," James said quietly, looking upset. Lily felt guilty but refused to let it show.  
"I thought about it," she defended herself. "And I've just decided no." She grabbed Mary's arm and forced her to walk down the stairs. After a moment, she heard the two boys following.  
"How convenient we seem to be going the same way," James called out. Lily frowned. "It's almost as if we're going to the same destination."

Lily took a sharp right into a darkened hallway, leaving Mary to follow in her own time. Surprisingly, Lily found that Mary did not follow her, and instead chose to stay behind and allow Remus to fill in the gaps Lily was reluctant to. James did not cease in his stalking.

"Lily, let's not make this weird."  
"I said no, Potter."  
"Alright, alright. I'm sorry. No means no. Come on, I'll drop you off at the Great Hall."

Lily paused. "Do you mean it?"  
"Yes. No means no. I'll leave you to enjoy your day once I've walked you safely down." James was holding his hand out to her, wanting her to take hold of it. He wasn't surprised when she didn't.  
"And you won't follow me around or perform any pranks or anything when I'm around?" Lily confirmed. James nodded seriously.  
"You have my word."

At long last, Lily nodded. "Fine."

"Remus and I are going to Hogsmede," Mary told Lily happily when she emerged from the corridor with James. "Not a date," she teased, "but Christmas shopping and things. I'll see you later."

They walked off together and James sent Remus a 'thumbs up' when he looked back. Lily shook her head. _What on earth is she playing at?_

"Looks like it's just you and me," James grinned.  
"I don't think I want to go to Hogsmede anymore," Lily said suddenly. "So you can just head on down to the Great Hall by yourself."  
"Lily, you need your breakfast. Good energy."  
"I'll get some later."  
"Why are you so afraid to walk down to the Great Hall with me?" James demanded.  
"Why won't you let me go in peace?" Lily retorted. James rolled his eyes.  
"You know what? I was only trying to be a good person. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make sure you got there okay. I need my breakfast too, you know. It seems logical that, as two fellow Gryffindors, we would go together. I'm sorry for inconveniencing you," James snapped, and then he turned on his heel and was out of sight.

Lily felt awful. She shouldn't be so rude to him; her parents raised her better than that. Besides that, James had asked an extremely good question: why was she so afraid of being near him? What was wrong with her?

Everybody else thought James was remarkably attractive, kind, intelligent and funny. Didn't Lily think so too? It was okay to admit it in her brain, wasn't it?

Despite of everything Lily had ever said about James, she had to admit that he had certainly become a fine man, even if he was a little immature at times.

_Fun-loving, _everyone else said. _Immature, _Lily had always countered. Wasn't that cruel.

Lily ended up going to Hogsmede by herself that day. She didn't see James at all, but ran into Remus and Mary at The Three Broomsticks. She didn't stay long, as the two looked very cosy together. Not a date, indeed.

Walking into Flourish and Blotts Lily found a lovely book for Mary that Lily thought she would enjoy and paid for it promptly. She then found a sweet mobile, with aluminium hippogriffs flapping their wings as they moved up and down through the wind. Each feather could be identified as the detail on the hippogriffs was extraordinary. They also made little hippogriff noises when the mobile moved. Mary would love that, as hippogriffs were her favourite creatures. Satisfied with her presents, Lily completely forgot about her parents. Not like they would send her anything anyway, Lily would tell herself later.

To please Petunia, her parents never sent her anything for Christmas. They could only sneak little things, like toffee or photographs that didn't move. So in return, Lily never sent anything back. She could only buy magical things, anyway, and Petunia would definitely cause a tantrum.

So Lily returned to Hogwarts on her own, after only an hour of shopping.

"Alright, Evans?"

Lily looked to her left and spied a grinning Sirius Black leaning against a statue, which looked very disgruntled at being treated so rudely.  
"Hello," Lily replied politely. She had to admit that she never really knew what to call him. Sirius seemed too friendly as she never felt like they were on a first name basis, and Black seemed too distant and aloof. It was the cause of much confliction within Lily.

"So the Hogsmede date when down the drain, huh?" Sirius joked as he fell into step with Lily. Lily frowned.  
"It wasn't ever going to be a date."  
"Sure it wasn't." Sirius grinned at her mischievously. "I think Prongs' head would have inflated so much he would have floated to the moon."

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "And whatever would you have done without your partner in crime?"  
"I have no idea! Probably would've gone and got him. What an adventure!"

Sirius drifted off into his own mind for a while, and Lily let him. She didn't mind not talking.

"Remus has got his eye on Mary," she blurted out. Sirius barely glanced at her.  
"I know."  
"Oh," Lily mumbled. "I was only joking…"  
Sirius stopped walking, leaving Lily very confused. "Well, don't tell anyone then," he said shortly. Lily nodded.  
"Your secret is safe with me. Your hair is a bit matted, by the way," Lily giggled, and pointed to the side of her head, "Just here."

Sirius frowned at her. "I'm going for the rugged look," he said defensively. They reached the portrait and Sirius allowed Lily to go through first.  
"You've been going for that look for years," Lily teased. Sirius looked pleased.  
"Well at least you noticed."  
"Why does everyone act like I never notice anything?" Lily wondered quietly. Sirius barked out some laughter.  
"Because, Evans, sometimes you never do!"

Sirius loped away to where Peter was sitting in the corner of the common room. Mary was yet to return.

* * *

"I think she's onto us," Sirius whispered scandalously to the other marauders. They looked confused.  
"Who and what?" James asked around a mouthful of chocolate frog. Sirius leaned in extra close.  
"I think Lily knows about our furry little problem!"  
Lupin burst out laughing. "Oh for Merlin's sake, Sirius. She already knows!"  
"Not just yours, you arrogant prick," Sirius frowned. He lay back on his bed in the boy's dormitory, his hands behind his head. "She noticed my hair was matted today. Maybe that's a sign."  
"It's always matted," Peter informed Sirius.  
"Exactly!" Sirius cried. "So why did she only just comment on it today?" James was silent throughout Sirius' rant, who did not fail to notice. "Prongs, back me up here mate," Sirius pleaded.  
James sighed and ruffled his hair sleepily. "Yeah, sure. Lily's onto you. She knows you transform into a big black dog. You're doomed."  
Sirius glared. "You just wait, Prongs. One day, she'll be confronting you on your illegal activities and she'll never go out with you."  
"Well she'll never go out with you either, so I guess I can rest easy," James teased, referring to an ongoing joke between the two.

It was a very simple joke that made no sense whatsoever. Sirius firmly believed that Lily only refused to date James because she didn't want to hurt Sirius' feelings, for they had a secret romance. James was adamant that he didn't care at all that Lily said no to him, so long as she never said yes to Sirius. Lily would apparently, according to Sirius, say yes to him the moment James gave up.

It was all bonkers, but Sirius always made a point in giving Lily attention whenever James was feeling dejected, as a reminder that Sirius was the one Lily would inevitably choose.

"I'm going to sleep," Peter announced suddenly. Remus looked out of the window and saw the apparent full moon through the window.  
"One more day," he muttered to himself.

* * *

"I have got you the very best Christmas present in the world!" Mary shrieked when she spotted Lily. Which was a pity, because Lily was in bed, fast asleep, and so were her other dorm mates. They had all grumbled and told Mary to "shut the hell up and go to sleep". Mary apologised and promised Lily she'd explain more in the morning.

Well, morning came far too quickly, in Lily's opinion. The moment she was out of the shower, Mary was non-stop talking about her non-date with Remus.

"And your present, Lils! It's so beautiful, I wish I was getting it for myself!" Mary was shouting from her bed. "Honestly, you're going to love it!"  
"Why are you so excited this morning," Lily called out as she magically dried her hair. "Mondays are awful, remember?"  
"I remember! Sorry for being happy!"  
"Good!"

It was all playful banter and Lily and Mary left for breakfast with their books for the day. Neither liked having to go up all the flights of stairs immediately after breakfast, which many other Gryffindors seemed to do. On their way out they passed Alice-soon-to-be-Longbottom-no-doubt, who hurried to join them. "Where's your husband?" Mary teased.  
Alice blushed. "Frank is not my husband," she murmured.  
"He will be," Lily assured her with a giggle.  
Alice smiled. "I know."

After more gushing about how cute the couple were, the girls reached the Great Hall. They had, without realising it, passed James and Sirius who were sitting – not hiding – in an alcove. James sighed.

"That's the look I want her to get when she sees me," he admitted to Sirius, who patted him on the back gently.  
"You can't always get what you want," he reminded James helplessly. "Lily is happy… without you. Maybe that will have to suffice."

* * *

Charms class was either dreadfully dull or extremely exciting and there was no in between for Lily. Her wand had a knack for Charms, Lily knew for certain. Ollivander had told her so. A specialised wand, mixed with Lily's own personal talent, allowed her to easily conjure water into a small bowl while the rest of the class was having trouble.

Two seats below her (as the class was set up in levels, much like a staircase) Sirius was conjuring some _different_ substance from his wand. Professor Flitwick was across the room, with his back to Sirius. "Should I go and help him?" Lily asked Mary, who laughed when she saw Sirius' dilemma.  
"Absolutely. He is a danger to the population, honestly."

So Lily manoeuvred her way down to Sirius which took all of ten seconds. By this time, Sirius was staring at his wand in confusion.

"Alright, Sirius?"

He looked up in fright which caused black goo to squirt all over him from his wand. "Merlin, Evans!" he cried. "Look what you've done!"

Sirius was covered from chest up in black goo. It was matted in his hair and looked like it managed to go inside his mouth. Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"Sirius… Black…" she laughed loudly. After sensing Sirius' murderous glare, she tried to calm herself. However, seeing James sniggering with his hand over his mouth beside Sirius made her laugh again.  
"This is outrageous," Sirius exclaimed, and performed a cleaning charm on himself. The black was gone immediately. "What do you want?" he barked at Lily.

"Oh, um," Lily stumbled, "I just saw that you were having a bit of trouble…"  
"And you thought you'd come over here and help," Sirius sneered.

Lily suddenly felt very nervous but absolutely refused to let it show. She remembered that she and Sirius were not close friends. It passed through her memory that the Black family were pureblood, and she was only muggle born. But this did not stop Lily, oh no. Her temper flared.

"Well, Black, I actually thought I would see if you _wanted _some help, but I can see you're too bloody arrogant to accept any," Lily snapped viciously. She whirled to return to her seat, but Sirius suddenly grinned and clapped his hands together once.  
"Excellent! What am I doing wrong then?"  
"So you'll accept help from her but you won't accept any help from me?" James demanded. Lily raised her brows at Sirius.  
"Hey, don't get cross because she's more attractive than you are!" Sirius said seriously. James laughed. "And smarter," he agreed.  
"And talented," Sirius added.  
"Hey, I wouldn't go that far!"

"Anyway!" Lily interrupted with a grin, ignoring how she blushed lightly at their praise. "Sirius, you're saying it wrong. Arguament-ay, not arguament-ee. Though I have to admit, I have no idea where that black shit came from."  
"Oh, Lily," Sirius said while shaking his head, as James roared with laughter. "Don't you know basic human functions?"  
Lily was awfully confused. "What?"  
"Usually, Evans, shit comes from your anus," Sirius informed Lily. "Mine, in this case."  
She looked entirely unamused. "That is a horrible joke," Lily decided.  
"You said it, not me!"

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Sirius hit her with the water spell directly in the face.

"Water fight!" James screamed and the whole class erupted.

* * *

Flitwick had restored order after creating several loud bangs with his wand. He had also assigned detention to Sirius, James and Lily.

"Now, while I don't mind a good game," he had said very sternly, "I don't condone war!"

And that was how Lily, James and Sirius had ended up with detention on the night of the full moon. Sirius and James hurried to tell Remus that they wouldn't be joining him, who would tell Peter, who would be thrilled he could attempt to finish his potion essay.

"Hey look, James! A trophy!" Sirius would yell out every five minutes. For detention, the three had to polish each trophy, medal, award and frame in the trophy room, without magic. It was a tiring job.  
"Wow Padfoot, do you want a medal?" James would reply sarcastically before throwing one at Sirius' head.

"I can't believe I'm stuck with you two lunatics," Lily would exclaim whenever the medal happened to bounce of Sirius' head and knock over other awards. After an hour, the two stopped their silly game.

James cleared his throat. "Awarded to Miss Lily Evans," he said grandly, while holding a tiny gold plate up high, "For outstanding results in first year examinations."  
Lily blushed furiously. "James, put that down this instant!" she yelled, going over to him angrily to take it off him. However, James was taller than her so he simply held it out of her reach.

"To Mister James Potter, for being on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team," Sirius said calmly. When Lily turned to look at him, she could see he was holding back laughter. James flipped his hair and straightened his glasses.  
"Why yes, indeed, my good man," he said pompously. "My greatest achievement to date!" He puffed out his chest.

Lily giggled and returned to her work, the boys following her lead. Then, an unpolished medal caught her eye. "Order of Merlin, Fourth Class," she murmured, only just loud enough for the others to hear. "James Potter…"

She turned around in shock. "James… what?" she held up the medal in question.

"Now, don't get too excited," Sirius piped up immediately. "It's not real. Well it is. But it isn't." He grinned widely at James, who was currently cleaning his glasses with his tie.  
"Dumbledore made it just for me," he explained with a small grin. "Not a real Order of Merlin, obviously, since they only extend to third class, but the gesture was nice all the same."  
"So what made you so special?" Lily asked immediately. Sirius opened his mouth to speak but James elbowed him quickly.  
"It's my story, thank you very much," James said snootily. Sirius grinned.  
"Whatever."

"So, a very long time ago," James began, but Sirius interrupted.  
"Meaning last year."  
"I rescued an undesirable fellow,"  
"Meaning a Slytherin."  
"From a ghastly fate!"  
"Meaning being eaten by the giant squid."

Lily wasn't sure whether to be amused or impressed. "I have mixed emotions about this," she informed them. Sirius laughed.  
"So did I. I wasn't sure whether to be happy my plan worked or sad the Slytherin survived."  
"_What_?"  
Sirius looked guilty for a split second before an easy grin spread over his face. "Well, I bewitched a bowl of bacon to cover a first year and pushed that first year into the lake in hopes that he would be eaten by the giant squid!" Sirius admitted proudly.

"And I of course, do not condone murder," James said in a mockery of Flitwick, "So I galloped over on my horse and pulled the first year to safety, out of the squid's tentacles and to the hospital wing."  
"So I got detention for performing an experiment while James got an Order of Merlin for screwing it up," Sirius grumbled.  
"A fake Order of Merlin," Lily corrected him, then giggled. "Why did you cover the poor kid in bacon?" she wondered after a moment of silence.  
James grinned in an answer. "Who can resist bacon?" he asked rhetorically.

"The giant squid certainly couldn't," Sirius said gleefully.

* * *

"5 days until Christmas!" Mary shouted in the morning.

* * *

"4 days to go!" she yelled from the shower.

* * *

"3 days left!" she informed me around her breakfast.

* * *

"Only 2 more days!" she squealed.

* * *

"Tomorrow is Christmas," Mary whispered scandalously at the dinner table.  
"Holy hell Mary MacDonald, I am bloody well aware that Christmas is tomorrow!" Lily exploded. Mary looked smug.  
"Thanks to me, I'm sure," she teased. Lily frowned at her and grumbled under her breath. She dug into her favourite treacle pudding while Mary had pumpkin pie.

The Marauder's had their heads together a few seats away from Lily which she did not fail to notice. She wondered what they would be up to this year – usually, James and Sirius went home for Christmas break. There were more Gryffindors than ever remaining at the castle for the holidays, Lily noticed then. Notably, Frank and Alice and decided to stay, along with Marlene McKinnon. The others were from younger years.

Mary nudged Lily softly. "Should we go up to bed then? You seem a bit spaced out."  
Lily replied with a tired grin. "Oh, you know, just excited about Christmas tomorrow."  
"Liar," Mary said, but smiled back all the same.

Upon reaching the common room, there was a bright pink notice on the notice board that definitely was not there before dinner.

_Calling all Sixth Year Gryffindors!_

_Group meeting at nine o'clock SHARP, Christmas Eve in the common room!_

_All other year levels are to CLEAR OUT. __(And Santa won't come if you're naughty!)_

_P.S: Everyone but Peter Pettigrew will be participating in the activity.  
P.P.S: This will make sense later._

Mary and Lily groaned simultaneously. The marauders were obviously behind this. Together, they slumped on the comfiest chairs in front of the fire, waiting for the other sixth years to slowly trickle in. They didn't, so time went slowly and Lily couldn't be bothered to make conversation with Mary.

Finally, at last, nine o'clock rolled around, and the Marauders burst through the portrait with the other sixth years. They were chatting happily and gathered themselves around Lily and Mary. Sirius and James conjured a shallow table for them to stand on. It was an impressive bit of magic they simply shrugged off. James called for silence.

"Seeing as so many Gryffindors have graced these hallowed halls for Christmas," he said sombrely, then continued in a cheerier tone, "We have decided to have a bit of a Christmas celebration!" A few cheers were heard. "Us four," he gestured to Remus and Peter, standing beside Sirius and James on the floor, "have decided that Kris Kringle is the best way to celebrate!"

"Now, since everyone here knows how it works," Sirius said with a wink in Lily's direction (for she had stupidly asked in her first year if wizards did that sort of thing, and had to explain precisely what it was), "I'll cut straight to the chase. Ladies, no need to worry. I am perfectly aware that it is the day before Christmas and there is not enough time to get presents. So, we boys made a decision." Sirius shook his hair out of his face and gave a wide grin. "We will be gifting you. We will show you our love, our gratitude, our kinks, our friendliness or whatever it is, whatever way we can. Tomorrow, each lady shall receive a present from one of us and we expect nothing in return. At the end of the evening, if you have not confronted who you think gave you the gift, we will confront you."

"Everyone has been paired at random," James took over, and Peter piped up "Except me!" which caused a few grins. Sirius bent down and slapped him on the back. "Because there is an extra boy – and apparently, Peter has a secret girlfriend he never told us about back at home – Peter is not taking part." Peter was bright red but stood tall anyway. Lily admired his resolve.

"So happy Christmas!" Sirius shouted.  
"And Merry Kris Kringle!"

* * *

It was Christmas morning at last and Mary couldn't have been happier. She was bouncing around the dormitory in her excitement, but sobered when she and Lily descended down the stairs. The other girls were gathered in a circle near the stairs while the boys lounged near the portrait. It had been agreed that the presents would be opened in private while the boys exchanged their average Christmas gifts. The Kris Kringle presents had been on the table Sirius and James were standing on the previous night.

"Who's going first?" Lily asked a bit nervously, eyeing the stack of presents in the middle of the circle of girls. She bet she could pick who was partnered with whom – but of course, they were randomly paired, weren't they?  
"I will," Marlene said cautiously as she lifted her package. It jingled. "Oh Merlin," she whispered, then bravely opened her present. Inside, a metal pair of handcuffs with pink fluff acting as chains. A leather gag. A small whip. The girls erupted into giggles. "If this is from any other guy than Sirius I will be severely scarred for life," Marlene joked and placed her presents out of sight.

Lily opened her presents next, as she had two. One was a plain bottle of perfume, the other an edible lily. Generic, friendly presents.

Mary went after Lily, and her present was the biggest. She shook it frantically. "Just open it!" everyone shouted. With a grin, Mary unwrapped the paper, then opened the cardboard box. Inside was a coloured, sugar-spun hippogriff. Its wings flapped slowly.  
"Holy shit," Mary murmured, then licked its whole body. Everyone groaned at once in disgust.

Lastly, Alice opened her present. It was a tiny box. Lily felt an excited tension in the room and Alice revealed a velvet box. Lily knew what that was.

Alice started screaming. An engagement ring was in the velvet box – which Lily guessed – and immediately went onto Alice's finger. After giving the girls a quick show (it was a white gold band with rubies surrounding a diamond) she shrieked out "FRANK!" and ran over to him. She almost knocked him over and shouted "YES!" multiple times. Everyone in the common room clapped and cheered their congratulations, the boys particularly excited. Pats on the back were exchanged.

And that was Kris Kringle over and done with. The boys headed downstairs for breakfast while other Christmas presents were exchanged. Mary was happy with her book but was thrilled with her hippogriff mobile, as Lily knew she would be, and had a wicked grin when she pulled out Lily's present.

"I suppose it may seem a bit familiar," Mary hinted. Lily had received a mobile identical to hers, but instead of hippogriffs she had dragons. They were intricately designed and showed each individual dragon scale. The dragons didn't roar though, which Lily supposed was a good thing.

"It's beautiful," Lily said as she admired her gift. Mary had never looked happier.  
"This has been the best Christmas ever!"

* * *

Lily had worked it out.

They hadn't been paired randomly, not at all. The marauders were playing matchmakers.

Which, surprisingly, Lily was not all that angry about. She thought it was a bit sweet. Frank and Alice were always going to be a couple – Kris Kringle just allowed Frank to propose in a sweet, unusual way. That was probably the sole reason for the whole ordeal. Marlene and Sirius were paired because they were good friends and had constantly had flings over the years. Remus and Mary were paired because, according to Sirius (and herself, Lily supposed) Remus had his eye on her. That left Lily with either Peter or James – and she knew James would want to be paired with Lily at any cost, which is why Peter invented his girlfriend.

Oh, Lily was good.

But she didn't confront James about it. No, she decided to wait until that night. James could come find her. Besides, what would she say about it anyway? His gifts were perfect in every way.

The lily wasn't just edible. It was forever lasting and grew back whenever you had a bit of it. The perfume wasn't just an average creation either; it was amortentia. It was the perfect perfume for every occasion because you would smell nice to everyone.

Lily found herself wondering what she would have gotten James, had she been warned of their plans. Maybe a chess set, or a special snitch. It didn't matter now, she supposed.

* * *

Lily only made a brief appearance at dinner. She arrived at the end of the main course, just in time for dessert – which was all she cared about anyway. She devoured an entire pecan pie on her own before disappearing again; she didn't even sit next to Mary. Lily was on a mission.

Earlier in the evening, Lily decided that she would test just how good the marauders were. They said they would confront their Kris Kringle, but they'd have to find her first. Lily also wanted to see if her theory was right; to see if they really had been playing matchmaker. Determined, Lily swallowed as much pumpkin juice as she could and made her way up to the Astronomy tower.

It was absolutely out of bounds, but Lily didn't care in the slightest. It was the last place she would usually go, which was an extra challenge to the marauder who had picked Lily. And if they somehow managed to find her, Lily would be able to find out why. Privacy was everything, after all.

Lots of secrets would be uncovered tonight, she was sure.

Lily worked up quite a sweat in her rush to the Astronomy tower, and slipped down a few stairs. She didn't mind at all though. She was too focused to care about superficial things like injury.

The clock struck nine just as Lily reached the top of the tower. After taking a moment to catch her breath, she leaned over the edge and observed the grounds which were covered in darkness. Not a soul was about, besides her.

Doubts began to enter her mind. What if no one found her tonight? What if she was left waiting, freezing – at this point, Lily cast a warming spell on herself – but no one came? Maybe she was overestimating the marauders…

"Alright, Evans?"

Lily sighed in relief. Her doubts were vanished. "Hello, James."  
"Fancy seeing you here!"  
"How about that?" Lily joked. "How did you find me?'  
James tapped his nose. "Trade secrets." This answer made Lily frown.  
"I have questions, James," she warned. James stiffened. "And that's the easiest one."  
"And if I don't answer?" James questioned. Lily gave him a half smile.  
"Then you might as well leave now."

After a moment of deliberation, and casting his own warming spell, James made himself comfortable against the wall. "I won't promise I'll answer all of them, but I'll try," he compromised. James only ever wanted to make Lily happy. Tonight was the perfect opportunity.

Lily observed James closely. He was very casual, leaning on the stone wall next to the stairs. His hair was blowing slightly in the wind, his glasses a tad lopsided. No nervousness or anything was radiating from him. This encouraged Lily.

"How did you find me tonight?" she asked again. James pursed his lips. "And don't say trade secrets."  
"A personal invention," James said slowly. "That allows us to see Hogwarts."  
"And it's inhabitants," Lily concluded. James nodded. "Okay. Next question: Was Kris Kringle planned?"  
James looked confused. "Yeah, obviously? I mean, how else could we have gotten the gifts? Did you like yours, by the way?"  
"I mean, were we randomly paired like you said or was that all lies?" Lily asked, ignoring James' questions.  
A quick smile was sent her way. "You'd be surprised. Only Frank and Alice were paired – the rest was totally, completely, random. Can't say I'm complaining," James flirted. Lily rolled her eyes. "So did you like your gifts? I picked them out myself."  
"They're very generic," Lily said pleasantly. James was confused as to whether that was a good thing or not.  
"You're not wearing the perfume," he said, rather than questioning Lily's statement. He was a little bit hurt she wasn't wearing the perfume. It was expensive.

Now Lily was confused. "Yes I am," she replied. James' ego boosted. He realised that Lily was what his amortentia smelled like. Just normal, average, day to day Lily. This pleased him greatly.  
"Why can't you smell it?" Lily demanded immediately. James chuckled.  
"I can. You just smell normal to me, that's all," he explained. Lily understood that immediately and almost wished she didn't ask.  
"I have the intention of asking one more question," Lily said carefully. "But be wary that this may extend into many."

James was amused by how concentrated Lily was. However, he snapped to attention when she spoke.

"I know that Remus is a werewolf. I know that you have known that for years. I know that you are well known for your protective nature and bravery. But even I know you are not stupid enough to roam around the grounds with a werewolf with no protection."

James almost snickered but managed to keep it in. He was pleased with Lily's praise and how it came with no scorn, but this made him wonder where Lily was going with this. There was always a catch with her.

Lily struggled to organise her thoughts. "You see, the thing is, that's your trademark, James. You don't leave your friends behind. So when I discovered Remus' condition, I also discovered something about you and your friends. Each day after the full moon, you would be late to classes. You could barely stay awake. I've noticed that between the four of you, when Remus can show up. So it got me thinking. You can't all be werewolves, yet you stay out together." Lily began pacing. "I wondered how you could be so stupid! But then I realised, you weren't. It took me months to figure out. I can't believe I ever missed it."

Lily's eyes matched James' hazel ones. Fierce passion met wariness.

"So my question to you is," Lily said quietly. "When did you become Animagi, and how on earth did you manage it?"

* * *

Sirius was right. Lily was onto us.

James didn't panic, though. Lily was the most trustworthy person he knew. And she figured it out all on her own! James always knew Lily was clever.  
"We managed to complete our transformations in our fifth year," James told Lily proudly. She did look a bit impressed, James thought. "We'd been trying since second year, when we found out about Remus' lycanthropy."

"What do you turn into?" Lily asked curiously.  
James cocked an eyebrow. "A stag, obviously."  
"Right, Prongs!" Lily realised. She then blushed, but moved on. "What about Sirius?"  
"A black dog. Peter's a rat." He noticed Lily's blush but didn't comment on it. He was happy to let her run the show, so to speak.

"That is definitely impressive magic," Lily murmured.  
"Peter needed quite a bit of help," James couldn't resist adding in. This made Lily laugh.  
"I bet he did, the poor thing!"

The clock suddenly struck again which made Lily jump. She remembered they were in an out of bounds area and professors would be patrolling now. "We should go," Lily said immediately. James shrugged and let Lily lead the way, pulling out some parchment from his pocket. Lily noticed it immediately. "Your personal invention?" she asked curiously.  
James smirked. "Not as glamorous as you expected, huh?"  
Lily bit her lip and looked away. "Not really."

James was not offended in the least. He liked surprising Lily. "It's a map."  
"I know."  
"Would you like to see?" James' eyes twinkled. Lily nodded. He tapped the parchment, murmuring "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."  
"Cute," Lily teased. Black ink spread over the map from James' wand tip, revealing the contents of the map. _Messer's Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, are proud to present the Marauder's Map. _James opened the parchment and Lily understood how he could avoid getting caught so easily. Footprints of patrolling professors were splattered over the map.

"This is amazing," Lily breathed, her eyes roaming over every inch. "Glamorous or not."  
"I always thought so," James grinned. "Let's go."

James and Lily snuck their way back to Gryffindor tower with only a few detours. Once, James had to swiftly grab Lily's hand and pull her behind a tapestry, into a secret passage way. Later that night, Lily would remember how nice his hand felt in hers. At the moment, it was all she could do to hold in her giggles.

"This is crazy!" Lily whispered to James joyfully. He grinned at her.  
"Nah, this is just fun!"  
"Do you do this every night?" They reached the end of the passage way, which had gotten very narrow, and James paused to check the map.  
"Only every second night or so," he muttered. He put a finger to his lips, a signal to be quiet.

Lily's heart was beating so hard she was sure James could hear it. Judging by the smirk on his lips, he could. She barely dared to breathe when she could hear the light pattering of footsteps on the other side of the passage.

Lily wasn't really one for disobeying the school rules, she knew. Adventures were not really her thing. Or at least, they hadn't been. She was having the time of her life with James though.  
She never thought she'd ever say that.

James waved her forward and together they crept out of the passageway – they were now on the sixth floor – and managed to reach the portrait without any more incidents. Lily was about to say the password (_pig whistle_) when James took a deep breath.

"What is it?" Lily asked. James had his eyes closed.  
"Merry Christmas, Lily," he whispered.  
"Happy Christmas, James," she replied.

James opened his eyes and gave Lily a small smile. "Can I hug you?" he asked so quickly, Lily wasn't sure she heard right. "Please? Just as friends."  
Lily bit her lip. "How about a handshake?" she countered. James laughed.  
"Okay," he agreed, and the two shook hands very awkwardly in front of the portrait, which was encouraging them to quickly hug.  
"I'm not opening up until you do!" the Fat Lady said firmly.  
So James quickly gave Lily a one-armed squeeze which made them laugh. "Pig whistle," Lily said to the portrait, which opened up with a wide grin on her face.

* * *

Inside, a roaring party greeted them. "Prongs!" Sirius shouted gleefully. "Look what Moony brought us!" He held up a bottle of firewhiskey which spilt a little over the top. Sirius was obviously very drunk.  
"Hey now, easy there," James said with a grin on his face. He took the bottle out of Sirius' hand, who was outraged. He stumbled over to Lily and put an arm over her shoulder.  
"You," he shouted, "are the smartest girl I know!"

Lily patted him on the back unsurely, looking at James desperately. He seemed perfectly happy to just let her struggle with his weight. "Thank you very much," Lily said eventually. "You're not too dumb yourself."

James burst out laughing and grabbed Sirius' other arm, wrapping it over his shoulder. "Come on, mate," he said happily. "Time for bed, don't you think?"  
"No!" Sirius yelled, trying to pull away from James. "One more drink with my favourite man!"

Lily left the two boys to sort out their own problems. She went looking for Mary, as Lily always did at party scenes, and found her sitting on the couch with Remus. They didn't seem too cosy so Lily felt okay interrupting them.  
"Hey Mary," Lily greeted as she sat next to her. "Hi Remus."  
"Hi Lily," they said together. "Where have you been?" Mary asked suggestively. Lily slapped her arm. "At the Astronomy tower," she said calmly. Mary gasped.  
"Lily Evans! That is out of bounds!" she said scandalously. "What on earth were you doing up there!"  
"James was with you?" Remus assumed. Lily nodded.

"Oh Lily. Did you kiss?" Mary demanded.  
"No!"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes!" Lily was sure she'd remember if _that _happened!  
"Mary, leave her alone," Remus said, smiling. "Let her enjoy her evening."  
"You butt out," Mary told him.  
"Did you kiss?" Lily asked Mary suddenly. Remus blushed deeply.  
"We aren't talking about me," Mary reminded Lily. She took that as a yes.  
"I'll leave you two alone then."

Lily got off the couch and left the two alone – as alone as one can be, in the common room at least. Deciding that, since she was sixteen years old now and was perfectly mature, she would help herself to a butterbeer on the refreshments table. There was a variety of food there – likely left over from the Christmas Feast Lily did not get to enjoy properly – as well as alcohol and juice.

Out of the corner of her eye Lily spied some house elves dressed in red and gold streamers (as they wouldn't accept clothes under any circumstances as everyone in Gryffindor knew) passing out nibbles. She recognised the dragon balls Mary had tricked her into eating in third year. Lily stayed clear of those.

James was squatting near the portrait bewitching some balloons to perform a musical number. He seemed a bit confused. Lily made her way over to him.  
"You know, I do not condone underage drinking," Lily told him. James bounced up to his feet with a broad grin on his face.  
"No one is telling you to drink, Evans," he teased. He ran a hand over his hair, flattening it down at the back. "But I admire you for joining in on the festivities."  
"Did you plan this?" Lily asked. James shook his head.  
"Nah, but Sirius always enjoys a Christmas bash," he joked. "He's in bed now, thankfully."  
Lily smiled. "You know, if you move your wand like this," she demonstrated a complicated swirl, "the balloons will dance in sync."  
James frowned. "I knew I was missing something." He performed the wand action and the balloons began moving about the room. "Excellent!"

"I thought you were meant to be clever," Lily said, amused. James cocked an eyebrow.  
"And I thought you were rule-abiding." At Lily's glare, James chuckled. "I guess that how we see people may not be how they actually are."  
"I don't think you've ever said anything so wise," Lily teased. James shrugged.  
"That only reinforces what I just said, Lily."

* * *

Holidays were over and classes had resumed. Lily and James had, miraculously, remained on a first-name basis. James went as far as to call them friends. Lily was happy with acquaintances.

They were currently in Defence Against The Dark Arts.

"I have decided that, in light of the dark events no doubt approaching, that some practical experience will be useful," Professor Hummerdinger was saying. "Now, what I am going to try and teach you is well beyond the Ordinary Wizarding Level. It is called the Patronus Charm, has anyone ever heard of it?" A few people nodded their heads, Lily included. "Yes, well, as you may know, many wizards can never conjure a corporeal patronus in their lifetime. For those of you who do not know, a patronus is the only known defence against dementors. For that reason, it is in my mind essential for each of you to know how to conjure one, even if it is not corporeal. You can do more research on it in your own time.  
"For now, I want each of you to stand." Hummerdinger waved his wand and all of the desks were pushed to the side. Excitement vibrated throughout the room. "Imagine the happiest feeling you can. Remember your best, happiest, most powerful memories. Let it consume you and remain focused. And when you have done so, say the incantation: _Expecto Patronum._ At your leisure, practice the spell. I do not expect everyone in this room to be able to perform it."

Wisps of white mist were seen constantly throughout the lesson. Mary managed a wave of mist while some others, like Marlene, could only manage a spitting of it. Lily focused hard on her happiest memories and relived her emotions. When she discovered she was a witch. When she was sorted into Gryffindor. The relief of getting Severus out of her life. When Gryffindor won the House Cup for the first time. _"Expecto Patronum," _Lily whispered.

She knew that her patronus was corporeal. She had been practicing the spell since fourth year. Her doe, in all its glory, was walking around Lily, looking for the danger. Lily noticed everyone watching her and lost her concentration.

"Oho, ten points to Gryffindor! Well done, Miss Evans!"

Professor Hummerdinger encouraged the class to continue practising, easily getting them back on track, and Lily went to rest. Remus joined her.  
"That was amazing stuff, Lily!" he praised. "How long have you been practising?"  
"Since fourth year," Lily told him. "I've always liked a challenge."  
"So do it again!" Remus demanded. Lily shook her head.  
"Nah, I'm too tired."  
"You just said you enjoyed a challenge," he said slyly. "And let's face it Lily. If you ever have to use a patronus in the war, you're not going to be at full strength."  
As much as Lily hated talking about the war, she knew that Remus had a point. So she gathered all of her strength and cast the spell again.

This time, when her doe appeared, a stag joined her on the floor.

* * *

"Our patronuses don't mean anything!" James said crossly. He and Lily were back to arguing.  
"Then why do they match?" Lily demanded. "What are you playing at?"  
"I'm not playing at anything, Lily. You can't pick your patronus. It's like your animagi form; you just get what you're given."  
"Then why did I just randomly happen to get a doe?" Lily asked.  
"Because it's random, Evans! Merlin! I'm sorry that something I have no control over offends you. I'm sorry that you're angry at me for producing a patronus – on my first try, might I add – that just happens to match yours."  
"You're lying. It's impossible to cast a corporeal patronus on the first try."  
"Well then, I just achieved the impossible, didn't I? You seem to be missing the obvious here, Evans. I can do more than you give me credit for. Are you honestly surprised that, if I became an animagus in fifth year, I can produce a true patronus in sixth?"

Lily was quiet.

"I don't understand why you're angry at me," James continued, "But I'm sure that's something you need to figure out before you start yelling."

James left Lily alone in the deserted classroom, slamming the door behind him. He wasn't surprised to see his mates crowding around the door, trying to listen in.  
"Thanks for not casting a silencing spell," Sirius said into the thick silence. James' mouth formed a hard line and he walked away. They followed.  
"I should have, you nosy pricks," he grumbled. "Can't you mind your own business?"  
"If it's any consolation, James," Remus said, ignoring James' previous comment, "I think you handled that remarkably well."  
"I also think I lost any progress I've had with Lily," James admitted sadly. "Everything was going so well!"  
"You can rest easy knowing you didn't do anything to screw it up, though," Peter said comfortingly.  
"Yeah! This one is all on Lily!" Sirius added. James sighed.  
"The real question here is, James," Remus murmured, "Is your patronus a stag because you saw her doe, or is hers a doe because she knows you transform into a stag?"  
James was shaking his head. "You said that she's been practising since fourth year."  
"I know. But that doesn't mean she's ever conjured a corporeal one before."

James was still shaking his head. "I've had enough of this. I don't deserve everything she's put me through. I try so hard to be nice to her, I've been patient, and what have I got in return? Nothing but blame and fury. I'm not putting up with her any more. I don't care."

He walked away from his best friends. "That's not true, mate," Sirius said nervously. "Everything will turn out alright."  
James paused. "I don't care even if it does," he decided.

* * *

"Lily! You never told me you could produce a patronus like that!" Mary whispered when Lily finally found her in the Library. Lily shrugged.  
"Never knew I could," she admitted. "It's never been corporeal before."  
Mary sighed enviously. "I wish I could have conjured one. You and James were the only ones who could, which was absolutely gorgeous with his being a stag and all."

Lily turned to Mary. "What do you mean by that?" she asked. "I've been so confused…"  
"It's obvious, isn't it?" Mary asked. When Lily shook her head, Mary left to collect a book. Lily waited patiently.

"This book says that your patronus, while being random, can change after dramatic or life-changing events." Mary said as she slid it over to Lily. It was relatively thin. "So let's assume that your patronus was never a doe. You said you've never produced a corporeal one before today, right?" Lily nodded. "Okay. So say your patronus has changed. You have to ask yourself, why? What has changed within you? Have you lost or gained someone? Did you learn something you wish you hadn't? Have you experienced trauma?"

Mary was listing off all the many reasons why Lily' patronus may have changed. But only one reason stuck in Lily's brain.

"I learned a few weeks ago," she said quietly, "That James's animagus form was a stag."  
Mary nodded. "Next question, and brace yourself Lily because this might hit hard: why on earth would your patronus decide to be the counterpart to James' inner self?"

Lily shrugged. "That's what I was asking James about and he said he didn't know!"

This caused Mary to start giggling. "Oh, Lils. Pay attention. Your patronus comes from your subconscious. What are you afraid to admit to yourself? I'll give you a hint – it's to do with James." When Lily continued to look dumbfounded, Mary gave up on all pretence. "You love him, Lils."  
"No I don't," Lily said immediately. Mary rolled her eyes.  
"You may as well admit it to yourself, Lily. It's the only reason why your patronus would match his. And even if you believe you don't love him, somewhere deep inside your most hidden desires, it's there. James is there. And your patronus can sense that, which is why it changed. Or maybe it never changed and has always been a doe because you have always loved James." Lily looked outraged. "Okay, maybe not," Mary said quickly. "I'm just saying Lils. You may not be ready to admit it to yourself, but I'll be shocked if James didn't work it out."

"Surely it could just be a coincidence?" Lily asked weakly. Mary grinned.  
"Of course it could be. But I'm sure that's crossed your mind plenty today. So if it was just a coincidence, why are you so worked up about it?"

* * *

James was lying in bed that night in the dark. He didn't go down to dinner. He had one hand behind his head, the other was playing with a snitch. He kept catching it.

Sirius entered the dormitory and James let the snitch flutter around the room.

"You still love her, mate," he said after a moment's hesitation. "You know you do."  
"I know."  
"Love like yours just doesn't go away."  
"I know, Padfoot."  
"She loves you too."  
"I know. She doesn't know it, though."  
"Yes she does."

James sat up in bed and eyed Sirius warily. "You better not be messing me around," James warned. Hope shimmered in his heart.  
"I'm serious," Sirius grinned. It was his favourite pun. "She loves you."  
"And what makes you so sure?" James asked curiously.  
"Remus told me."  
"And that makes it official?"  
"Well, yeah, because Mary told him and Lily told her!"

James shook his head. "I'm sure there's more to it than that."  
"Probably, but does it matter? You're still in the game!" Sirius said happily, finally deciding to join James on the bed. "You're not happy," he observed.  
"I don't know, Padfoot. I still stand by what I said before. I've had enough of her crap."

Sirius deliberated. "So tell her," he decided. "You don't have to change everything about yourself. She needs to meet you half way. A compromise."  
"I like her the way she is," James said immediately.  
"You just said you didn't." Sirius was dreadfully confused. He wasn't good with emotions.  
"No I didn't. I said…" James trailed off. Wait, Lily loved him? "Where's Remus?"  
"I don't know, you have the map."

Together they searched the map until they found Remus' dot. "Charms classroom. Okay, let's go."

They didn't notice Lily's dot.

* * *

Sirius and James burst through the door to the classroom (in reality, they both struggled to get through the door at the same time). "Remus!" James shouted, and hurried over to him. He didn't notice Lily sitting a few seats away, but Sirius did.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked snootily. Lily shrugged.  
"I was here first."  
"Real clever, Lily. You should be in Ravenclaw for that genius reason," Sirius teased. He loped over to her and sat with an easy grace. He blew his hair out of his eyes and stretched his arm out over the chairs. "So what's crackin'?"  
James was shocked into silence. How could he have missed Lily's presence?  
"Lily was just catching me up on some work I've missed," Remus said into the silence. It was the full moon a few nights ago.  
"Right… Well, maybe you could help me then?" Sirius suggested. "I've left my books in the dorm though…" he trailed off, waiting for Remus to catch on. After casting a glance at Lily, and a curious glance at James, he nodded.  
"I'll see you another time then," he said to Lily, and then evacuated what James was sure to be a messy scene.

After what felt like an extremely long time, Lily finally asked "Are you going to say something or are you just going to stare at me all night?"  
"You know I could do it," James told her with a wink. Lily shook her head and James quickly cast a silencing spell at the door. Sirius' indignant shouts could be heard. Remus shouted an apology and that was all that they heard.

"Do they do that a lot?" Lily asked in amusement. James nodded.  
"Nearly every encounter we have."  
Lily was a bit embarrassed by this – she had said plenty of awful things to James in what she thought was privacy.

"So you aren't going to yell at me, then?" James asked nervously.  
"I was out of line," Lily admitted. "I was lashing out at you because I was confused and upset. You didn't deserve any of it, and for that I am awfully sorry, but I know that it's not enough. I don't deserve your forgiveness because I have treated you so horribly from the day we met." Lily ran her hands through her long hair. It glistened in the light.

"I am so sick of us always fighting," James said quietly. "I always used to think I'd done something wrong, but I realised today that it's not me. It's you. I've tried so hard to be a better person for you Lily, but I think you're selfish. You won't meet me half way on anything. You say I'm immature but you never tried to have some fun. Christmas night, you had fun," James pointed out to Lily. "I know you did, I could see it in your face. You were happy. We were breaking the rules and you were with me and _you had fun. _What does that suggest, huh?"

"That I am afraid of loosening up," Lily told him. "I know that. And you're right; I had the time of my life on Christmas. It was just us, doing something I'd never done before, doing it with someone I never thought I would. It was exciting." This made James smile, which encouraged Lily. "I realised that I should do it more often. I admire how you've changed to please me, James – I have actually noticed that, believe it or not – but I'm finding it difficult to adjust to suit you. You've always been sound in how you've felt for me but I've only just come to terms with the fact that I feel something other than hatred towards you today."

Lily shook her mane of hair and rubbed her eyes. James took this opportunity to intervene.

"Lily, I like who you are now. I always have. I like bringing you out of your shell and surprising you."  
"I'm not done, James. I know you like all of that. But just realise that… I'm not ready to like all of you, does that make sense?"

James' heart broke and his hopes crashed. He shook his head.

"I just mean that I'm going to need some time to adjust to having you in my life. I want to be friends with you James, without the fighting and arguments. I want to be able to count you as one of the people I trust most in the world, because you were almost there for so long. The holidays were the best I'd ever had because we weren't fighting. So you need to understand that, while I may feel something for you, I am not ready to admit it to myself, and I'm definitely not ready to act on it. But maybe I'll get there in the future."

Lily took some deep breaths and smiled at James. "I'm glad that's out in the open now," she said happily. After a moment she asked James, "Can you say something? I'm starting to feel awkward."  
James took off his glasses and cleaned them although they were spotless. "What do you want me to say, Lily?" She shrugged.  
"Anything will do."

"I love you, Lily. I always have. So I'll wait for you. You've always been the one for me, and your patronus has proved it," he teased. Lily smiled, embarrassed. "So, what now? Friends?"

Lily smiled. "Friends."

"Just so you know, friends hug," James warned. Lily laughed and shuffled closer to James.  
"Are we gonna do the weird one-armed hug again or a proper one this time?" she giggled. James ruffled her hair and pulled her in close. She smelled like vanilla, and Merlin, if passion had a smell, Lily suited it perfectly. "A proper one, for sure."

* * *

James was thrilled. Two weeks into their new friendship, Lily was still smiling at him. She was even joking around with Sirius, who (to James' embarrassment) had informed Lily of their secret romance and declared that he was the one for her, not James.

_"One day, Lily, you'll realise that James is not the man for you. And the day he stops pursuing you is the day I come and sweep you off your feet."_

But, as we all know, that day never came.

* * *

_Finish._


End file.
